My sweet, sweet, Rob...
How can I say goodbye to the best-friend I ever had??!?
My heart grieves and I force myself to "put my mask on" just to make it through many a day.
I can't seem to write...I've lost my muse.
I wish I still had every picture, every poem & every note you ever wrote me. While I'm blessed to have
a few, I'm blessed more by the fact that we were able to connect again a few years ago. How bazaar it was, but a good bazaar.
I was starting a new novel about a man that couldn't get passed his childhood sweetheart after 20 years...and then I hear
from you. The other oddity about that...the woman's spirit haunted him and the catch phrase...."Saying
goodbye to old ghosts isn’t easy, especially when Adrian Birichino comes face to face with the spirit of the woman twenty
years won't allow him to forget."
You've inspired so much of my writing, things you said and did,
expressions, comments...looks. (No pretty blonds in any of MY books! *wink*) Those feline eyes inspired my debut novel...
I'm glad I had one more chance to say "I LOVE YOU" and hope you realize just how very much.
I took for granted that you would always be there...for that, I'm so sorry. Even in death, you continue to teach
me life's valuable lessons. Even though we were miles apart for so many years, too many years, it helped to know you
were out there...somewhere. And I know you still are, just not in the physical sense. Since your passing, Nicholas has seen
a man walking about the house, he calls him the 'shadow man'...I know in my heart it's you and pray you will one day show
yourself to me, too. I hear you speak to me in my dreams and thank you for leading me to the tape with your voice on it. It's
a true gift and salve to my soul as I never thought to hear that sweet voice again. I listen to it often.
You were the epitome of romance. You found out 'Holding Out for a Hero' was my adopted song and sent roses
to my work with a note that said, "Let me be your hero..." ---then put me on the spot that night by dancing to it!!! *blushing*
I knew then that there was something special about you, it went far beyond the exterior beauty that left me weak in the knees.
You swept me off my feet and I was a 'Rob-junkie' from that moment on. I can't look at jello without being reminded of you!!
I fell in lust the second I saw you. I fell in love when I saw how you interacted with Edward. As you know,
I have a soft spot for the elderly and when I witnessed how gentle and caring and how you went out of your way to help that
lonely man, you laid eternal claim to my heart. I've never met anyone with more compassion. You were the real thing and maybe
that's why you were called HOME so early. "Only the Good die young..."
I was so right, your beauty runs deep, your kindred spirit shines even brighter than the eye-popping
housing. And just in case there was ever any doubt, I want you to know that you were and always will be my one true hero.
*Thank you for loving me enough to last an eternity. Body, mind and soul.*
I forgive you everything, I hope you know that and hope you forgive me, too.
You taught me so much. I know I wasn't always receptive to what you had to say, but at times, you knew me
better than I knew myself. And you were always right. ...My stubborness sure did set my course for life, didn't it?!
I am keeping my promise to you. I will obtain & maintain my personal best. For me. You're
so right, security has to come from within. It's not something anyone else can give.
I still don't understand the why of it. I miss you and think of you every day. So many times I could have
called you and didn't, and now...
I'm at a loss for words.
I know your spirit watches over me. I often smell your cologne and feel the pad of your thumb
caress my back, hear the sexy rasp in your voice saying, "Put your mask on and do what you gotta do, babe." I have a
recurrent dream of you sitting on the fence at your dad's farm, you're wearing white jeans and your hair is long and swept
to one side and your smile is blinding and warms me from the inside out. (Perhaps that will be our meeting place in the afterworld...hmmm.)
Our hearts will be forever 21.
I still have the list of songs you sent me and have some to add to the list I sent you. I'm sure there are
more, but these spring to mind at the moment...especially the Elton John songs as it seems EVERY time I turn on the radio
one of them is playing:
"My Immortal" by Evanescence
"I Will Go Down With This Ship" by Dido (OMG, this song is an echo of what you said to me in our last
"When You Say You Love Me" by Josh Groban
"I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston
"I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
"Angel" by Sarah McLachlan (Your fav...I still watch the movie and think of you.)
"Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls (Back at YOU!)
"I Miss You" by Klymaxx
"Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from Phantom of the Opera
"No Air" by Jordan Sparks (can hardly listen to this-ugh!)
"Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis
"Tiny Dancer" Elton John
"Goodbye Yellow-Brick Road" by Elton John (that was YOUR song & I can almost hear you singing along...*sniffle*)
"Daniel" by Elton John
"I'd Die Without You" by PM Dawn
"Celebrate Me Home" by Kenny Loggins
"Meet Me Halfway" by Kenny Loggins
"My heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
"No One" by Alicia Keys
"End of the Road" by Boys 2 Men
"One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey
"It Must Have Been Love" by Roxette
"Say You, Say Me" by Lionell Ritchie
"When I Need You" by Leo Sayer (double ugh!--I hear you sing this too,
even when the song isn't on the radio...)
...EVERYTHING we listened to, all the songs you danced to and even the songs we hated remind me of you!
*There are just so many I can't possibly list them all!!!
Rob, I miss you sooo much. ='(
It hurts my heart and I still can't believe I'll never see you again in this lifetime. It's
like a horrible nightmare that I can't wake from. I take comfort knowing your suffering has ended and that your faith was
I pray every night that we will truly meet again and get it right the second time. There is always
Until then, I'll leave you with the words you once said to me...(I used in Corsair Cove.):
May our hearts kiss somewhere between the realm of sleep and wake,
where wishes come true and curses take flight...
I love you, always and forever...XO your angel, Angie
P.S./ ...so, are there garbage cans in Heaven...?!? And if so, who are
the trash collectors--ha!?!? LOL XOXO
P.S.S.// Say hello to Edward for me!!! And all my departed loved ones...XO